Paul's Twilight Zone

My friend Paul is definitely a weird dude sometimes. He is a great friend most of the time, but I always seem to be the one that calls him to talk or to set up hanging out.

He often makes remarks about me being a really good friend to him. He and I often talk about all sorts of things: finances, women problems, life in general, that sort of stuff.

He is one of the first to ask what is wrong with me when something is bothering me, but then when something is obviously wrong with him, he gets quiet. It's rough on me because he is a good friend and I hate seeing him upset about things.

He is really getting under my skin lately because he is worried about financial aid stuff for going back to school and he keeps going on and on about it. The part that pisses me off is that I went through exactly what he went through, but he won't let me help him. Paul keeps bringing up that it's bothering him in front of me. It's almost like a slap in the face.

He's a really good dude at heart, but geez Louise.

Long time no blog

I have been so busy these past several months.

So much has changed.

Friendships have evolved.

Friendships have changed.

I have gotten closer to some people.

I have realized that perhaps I am too close to some people.

The closer I let people get to me...the more it hurts when they are disrespectful or just flat out rude to me.

I try to be friends with everyone, but I realize that some people just aren't open to being nice back.
.............................

There are thoughts running through my head that have never been so powerful. Thoughts that an ordinary individual would be able to act upon with no hesitation. I think what I am fearful of is losing people that I care about. I've been hurt so often in the past and I have been trying to watch out for myself. I need to learn to take more risks.

I have realized that people say things that fuck with my emotions when they've been drinking.

Recently, I shared a lot of my feelings with a friend of mine that I hold in high regards. My friend told me that alcohol only gives people the courage to say things that they are feeling, but wouldn't normally be able to say.

So maybe what has come from this person's mouth is true...maybe I shouldn't take it with a grain a salt. It's tough for me to take something that makes me very happy lightly...regardless of if they've been drinking or not.

I don't know.

I'm just very confused right now.

But getting this much written down has made me feel somewhat better.

Thanks, Blog.

::Hugs::