Monday, September 17, 2007

Weird weekend

A bazillion things took place this weekend that were not according to schedule...

I will list a few:

- I wasn't scheduled to perform at the theater at all this weekend, but Joe Jones had to back out of shows AND there were one or two more people who either had to cancel or couldn't make it. I volunteered to WORK as user at the theater for Noah Rosenberg, but Joe Jones asked me to play both shows so I ended up performing in both ComedySportz shows instead. Both shows went really well.

- Hardcore drug references during ComedySportz are normally few and far between, but John Reitz had a slip of the tongue during Five Things and instead of saying "I'm base-jumping," he said "I'm freebasing." The crowd couldn't stop laughing.

- I got extremely bored on Sunday morning and decided to call up my buddy, Chris, and we played World of Warcraft. I started a new character, a Night Elf Hunter named Hellmsley. Chris had never played a druid, thus started one and we quested together for a couple of hours and got our chgaracters to level 6 before stopping so I could watch the Panthers game.

- The Panthers jumped out to an early 14-0 lead with 2 quick TDs by Steve Smith. Unfortunately, the Texans offense played brilliantly and rallied back to win. Ahman Green tore through every possible hole in the Panthers' D. After being up 14-0 early, the Panthers seemed to be an entirely different football team. I don't think they sacked Schaub at all. The offense also couldn't get anything going. Yikes! What a mess. Better luck next week!

- Mike McCullough called me to play some doubles tennis last night. We met up with Richard Johnson and Doug Murphy. I hadn't seen Doug in almost a year. He and I played together in the Burlington city doubles tournament a couple of years ago and did really really really well. Doug is one of the most well known/respected police officers in Burlington and he always has crazy stories about raids, busts, or drunken Mexicans for us. Fun Fun!!!

- Since we, at the DSI Comedy Theater, lost our Theater manager, Kit FitzSimons and I are now producing the staff schedule. It's kinda rough being that no hardly anyone logs into our online system and fills out their availability. We got most of the schedule done last night, but we won't be able to finalize it until a few days from now. It'll get easier... I'm sure.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Awkward Dreams

Ever have a dream that seems extremely real then you wake up and wish it were reality?

Yeah, me neither.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Such a Wicked Game

Sitting at work today listening to my Yahoo Music Jukebox 90s station, Chris Isaak's Wicked Game began to play. Wow, hearing that song induced some weird-ass childhood memories.



I grew up in a with a fairly conservative upbringing. My mother decided that the video for Chris Isaak's Wicked Game was too racy for a young man that'd only lived on this Earth for a total of 12 years. MTV wasn't banned, but If she was in the room and that video came on, she'd switch the station.







I had a TV up in my room on the 2nd floor and I could watch the video all I wanted whilst inside. I had to keep the volume down fairly low so Mom wouldn't hear it, but it was all good. Nah'm Sayin' ?



Once, while sitting in my den and watching the local information channel, during the weather, they played a quick snippet of Wicked Game. Mom rushed in from the kitchen and accused me of switching the channel really quickly when I heard her running. I may not have gotten grounded, but I did receive a firm talking to about how I wasn't supposed to be watching that video at all and my TV priviledges would be taken away if she caught me watching that video ever again.

This also sparked my memories of all the crap I watched late night up in my room with the volume really low. Here's a quick list:


- Real Sex (HBO)
- Dream On (HBO)
- Zalman King's Red Shoe Diaries (Showtime)

Monday, August 27, 2007

This sucks balls!!!

So I'm going through financial records on Sunday... I realize that the DMV never sent me a renewal notice for this year.

I call them a few minutes ago and, after spending almost 20 minutes on hold, it turned out that I owe $290 dollars due to a late emissions inspection from 2006. Hmmmm... That's good to know.

So I have to pay $290.00 just to get this crap taken care of and then $30 bucks for the emissions test for 2007. I got my car's emissions test done last year, but it was a couple of months late and I don't mind paying some kind of fee for it being late, but $250 + late fees is a bit extreme!!!

This is money I don't technically have so I'm borrowing against my 401k to take care of it. The minimum amount of a 401k loan is $1,000. I'm doing that for a 2 year loan term. The interest is only like $97.00 so that isn't too bad.

I am going to pay that $290 crap off... then get my emissions/inspection done. I hate procrastinating so I am taking Wednesday off and get all this crap taken care of.


In related news...

SummerSlam Sucked!!!

Word on the street is that The Great Khali botched the ending to his match. Batista was supposed to win the title.

The Great Khali grabbed a chair and was probably supposed to let Batista catch it when he tried to hit him, but instead the ref saw Khali hit Batista with the chair. The Great Kahli was promptly disqualified, thus retaining the title.

I bet Vince is pissed!

John Cena has held his strap for way too long also. It was reported all over the internet that Randy Orton was scheduled to win the belt from Cena last night. I have a feeling the WWE intentionally changed the outcome of the match to keep spoiler sites guessing. It worked!

Rey Mysterio and Triple H both made their returns to the ring last night. Both have been out of wrestling to recover from injuries/surgery.

Triple H looked like he dropped some muscle mass, but he looked really great. Little Rey Rey on the other hand...yikes!

Mysterio looks like he probably gained 20 pounds. He still put on a great match against Chavo Guerrero.

You can really tell that the new WWE wellness program (IE zero steroid tolerance policy) has set in. Bigger, more muscular guys keep getting smaller and smaller.

RAW ought to be interesting tonight.


Okay, I'm done nerding it up for today, but never fear! I'll blog again soon.

Nub,
Tommy

Monday, August 20, 2007

Superbad and other stuff

I went to see Superbad last night with several members of the DSI contingent. Such a good movie. I haven't laughed that hard at a movie since knocked up. As much as I hate to admit this...I agree with Jeremy Griffin... "Superbad > Knocked Up."

ComedySportz went really well this past weekend. This was the first time I had an opportunity to play Five Things with Joe Stanton. He was phenominal as guesser!

Most people won't find this funny at all but if you've ever seen a ComedySportz show, you just might... Ryan "The Anvil" Blackledge, fresh out of LASIK surgery, asked for the usual suggestion of something "bigger than a breadbox." The audience member said, "Um, a bread factory." Maybe not Comedy Gold, but at least Comedy Silver. It kinda became our theme for the night. Fun Fun!!!

The last time some of the newer cast members played "Da Doo Run" it was apparent that they didn't know how to play the game properly. I ran a quick review of the game in the green room prior to the show and that game ran smoothly during the show.

We played "My Movie" for the second time during a live show. The audience seems to really like the game and I think it will become a permanent part of our games arsenal.


Ummm...I'm almost ashamed to admit this, but I got a groaner foul before the show technically started. I know what you're thinking, "No. Tommy never gets groaner fouls. I call shenanigans!" Well, a member of the audience actually had "a favorite piece of legislation from the Taft administration:" Anti-Trust. I began to giggle a bit on stage and Ryan turned and asked if I was okay. I said that "Anti-Trust was a great movie." The audience groaned. HA! Ryan Phillipe was amazing in Anti-Trust!

I am almost through with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It is soooooooo good. I hope it ends well. I should be finished by the time I got to bed tonight...I'm on page 605 now I think. I went homw to read during lunch today... Me = Nerd!

Friday, August 03, 2007

Wow!!! Thanks Dr. Jones!!!

Here is an excerpt from a recent post on the DSI Message boards, ah fuck it...

It meant so much to me I think I'll go ahead and post the whole thing:

Hey guys,Just wanted to throw my insights in, as well. The show was great! I had a blast facilitating your hilarity. I didn’t give notes after the show because, I’m still getting used to ref-ing, but they will be coming soon. Nevertheless, I think it’s worth pointing out a couple of the great things that happen we should be trying to repeat.

1.) Tommy and Kit showed us the importance of putting in the work to learn the science of funny!This show was lead by two great captains, smart/fun teams, and an amazing voice. In particular, Tommy B. (I believe possibly more than anyone else at the theatre) displays how successful students imbibe the lessons learned from awesome coaches, shows they’ve played in, and watched - and then applies those lessons. He consistantly creates solid scenes and hilarious bits. If you’re looking for a role model for how to become a great comedian, look to this guy. But note, none of his antics are accidental. He doesn’t just happen to get groaners every show or luckily grab Edward for help with his groaner apology. Tommy has studied funny. He knows what the audience, loves and he does it. It’s his investment in the science of comedy, pays out dividends of the feeling of spontaneity.

Kit is the same way, but from a different side. What I love about Kit is, he is as funny as Mr. Voice as any of us are on stage. His expertise in the box is the only thing that can make this possible. Kit’s also not funny by happen stance. The basics of the booth come so easy at this point, he is able to add the extras we appreciate so much.

2.) We say that Topical humor matters. (Even if Jeremy G. wasn’t there?)

This show was fun because we were connected to subject matter the audience was already thinking about. Harry Potter and George Bush are things our audiences see on TV five minutes before they leave the house. What makes DSI better that TV? How about the fact we can offer an interactive form of entertainment that is equally up to date with current events? I can’t stress enough take 5 mins. to read a News paper/ check the Drudge report before you come to the theatre. I GARUNTEE the best scenes you will ever do are the ones the offer a commentary on the world around us.

“Anyone can do funny, that doesn’t impress me. Say something about the world, give me an emotion, and also make me laugh. That is impressive” – Charna Halpern

3.) You Trusted your Ref/Coach! The reason I give themes for the night is because Zack gives so many great notes it’s possible for us to end up not ever actually applying any of them. I trusted Zack’s leadership, and we all won. You trusted my leadership on Sat, and that allowed me to guide the show where it needed to go - and the audience won. Continue to have the discipline to allow being funny to be guided by people who know what they are doing. THIS DOES NOT MEAN LOSE YOUR OWN STYLE!!! Still find your own voice, but truly trust that your coaches know the fundamentals, and then venture out.

All in all, great work. There were definitely some places we need to improve, but I really want to enjoy what we did right.

My last word is this, burn our theme for the night: “never be the person least committed” in your mind. Each the aforesaid points reflects that same theme in a different way. The funniest person on stage is rarely the person most gifted in comedy, more often it’s the person who is most committed to the learning and enjoying the Art of Comedy. And, this idiom is as true of stage as it is on.

You guys should be proud,
Joe


I can't express how much I respect Joe Jones. He's a classy guy and just happens to be one of the funniest people I know. To get a compliment like that from him, WOW, just WOW!

I read that post at work and had to hold back all the happy tears.


Joe's right about Kit FitzSimons too. Kit is effin amazing at voicing. He's actually amazing at everything he does at the theater.



Again, Joe... Thanks a bunch. I appreciate you!


Nub,
Tommy

Sunday, July 29, 2007

The Sequel to The Prestige???

Inquiring minds want to know. Verdict posted soon.

Jeff Scronce a real class act!

Jeff Scronce...I owe you one buddy. Thanks for listening and being a pal.

Weird Realistic Dream

I had the most realistic dream I've had in a while last night:

Eitan and I were staying in a hotel room together in Las Vegas. Everything was going well until the day we were supposed to fly back.

My alarm went off an hour early because it didn't set itself for daylight savings time. I went to have breakfast by myself since Eitan wanted to sleep in.

I was eating breakfast and then remembered that we were supposed to fly back that morning....like within the hour. I rushed back from breakfast to discover that Eitan was in the shuttle-bus line already and I'd apparently have to take the next one. I couldn't remember what room number we were in, so I asked the lady at the lobby desk for another room key.

I rushed back to the room to finish packing and realized that someone had thrown my thinbgs all over the place. There were a pair of panties laying on the floor that weren't in the room before. The only logical solution; someone had a hooker in the room and she forgot her panties.

I gathered my things and rushed back to the shuttle-bus line to go to the airport and the lady from the lobby was outside. She informed me that my roommate threw some kind of crazy party within the last few minutes. I went to go back to the room once more to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything and then realized that I left a crap-ton of my things in the room.

I began to pack furiously. I was sweating profusely and worrying that I was going to miss my plane. As I was packing I started to think to myself, "This is funny, but I don't remember ever flying out here in the first place."

While still dreaming, I thought to myself, "This must be some kind of weird-ass dream!" I proceeded to wake-up muttering to myself, "Wow, that seemed too real!"

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Roller Coaster of Nub

Today's events...a definite up and down ride for your truly.

1. Woke up at 8:45 AM and realized it was the weekend and I could sleep in

2. Was woken up by my grandmother around noon, about meeting with a financial chick at the bank in regards to the purchase of my great-grandmother's house

3. Hit Biscuitville for brunch

4. Cleaned out my car

5. Drove to Carrboro to do tech for a show, then perform in a show, then watch a show and meet this really awesome chick I met recently online, then perform in another show. Turned out my friend Anita wasn't feeling well and wasn't going to be able to make it to the show. I had one of my best Comedy Sportz shows ever with Joe Jones AKA "Dr. Jones, Dr. Jones", Eitan Lees, Edward Graham, Katie Shutrump, Remi Treuer, and Ken Maffitt. I always love when Joe Jones refs...he's f'n amazing.

6. After I watched DSI Witness News, I went to go warm-up for DirtyGames with the other cast members. Abby, the aforementioned awesome chick I met online, had to leave with her friend due to her friend's god-daughter not doing well. I really hope the little girl is okay.

7. A gentleman I had never met before came up to me, shook my hand, and said that that was one of the best shows he had ever seen. That made my night! :)

8. I went to "Hairless Tweeter" next door to the theater and purchased perhaps the strangest combination of products possible... A 6-pack of Killians Red and a pack of E.L. Fudge cookies.

9. I drove home and Tommy Boy was on one of the bazillion HBO channels I subscribe to. I watched the remaining 3/4 of Tommy Boy, sent out my "Hope your God-Daughter is okay" e-mails and then wrote this blog.

10. #9 was actually it, I just thought 10 would be a nice round number to end with.



Nighty-Night... Tommy Need Sleepy!!!

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Great American Bash

This has got to be one of, if not the worst, Pay-Per-Views in the history of the WWE. With only one match to go...there had only been one title change... The cruiserweight championship was won by Hornswoggle. For those who don't know, Hornswoggle is a midget wrestler. He's one tough little hombre, but he is a heel.

Midget heels have never amounted to anything in the WWE. Not that midget faces have done much better, but it's a lot easier for the crowd to believe, not to mention a lot more fun to watch, a midget face defeat several opponents twice to three times his size.

The Great Khali has very little wrestling talent. Too bad Vince has it in for Batista and doesn't feel he should be champ again.

Smackdown is ridiculously weak right now. They may want to steal some talent from Raw.
If I were Vince, Steph, Shane, or Paul, I'd move some talent around with a quickness.

I realize they just had the Tri-brand draft, but who really watches ECW??? Break-up ECW...get rid of all the turds currently on all 3 rosters and keep Raw and Smackdown. Send the turds back to OVW or release them and let them find their merry way over to TNA or ROH.

There are several "superstars" that have little to no personality whatsoever. Get rid of them. I'll name a few who I'd send packing:

1. Charlie Haas
2. Balls Mahoney
3 & 4. The Highlanders
5. Hornswoggle
6. Jamie Noble
7. Dave Taylor
8. Daivari
9. Nunzio
10. Funaki


I love John Cena to death, but he has been champion entirely too long. As I am writing this, the Bash just ended. Cena retained the frikkin title. Cena is a million times better on the mike, but Lashley has a huge following and could breathe new life into the championship.

Come on Vince, show us something new.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Okay...RAW is pissing me off

- Anyone who puts a microphone in Bobby Lashley's hands should be mamed.

- Any writer that has Jeff Hardy job to Randy Orton in the fashion that he did tonight should be mamed.

- Any writer that has Candice Michelle as a guest commentator during a women's match should be mamed. I know she's the women's champ right now, but geez....have her utter more than 3 words the entire time she has the headset on.

- John Cena has held the WWE Championship entirely too long... Please put the strap around anyone else (except for Randy Orton)

- Santino Marella as Intercontinental champ is a f'n joke. I do think his on-screen relationship with Maria is adorable though.

- Umaga could get over as a face... he needs some kind of push.... Jobbing to Santino Marella isn't cutting it.


That is all.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

The WWE Draft

On Monday, World Wrestling Entertainment held their tri-brand draft. All members of the rosters from ECW, Smackdown, RAW were up for grabs. Yes, this is wrestling, and is all pre-planned.

I am not even going to go in to the angle where Mr. McMahon was supposedly killed when his limo burst into flames as it is slowly pissing me off.

Several top-tier guys on the RAW roster have become injured and the WWE needed to move folks around in order to not have a bunch of jobbers in every match on the RAW brand on Monday nights. This "need" has become extremely evident as RAW is making a frikkin' killing in the draft.

Through the draft, RAW has gained Bobby Lashley, King Booker, Mr. Kennedy, and one of the most entertaining tag-teams, Brian Kendrick & Paul London. The other two brands are getting "table scraps."

The Great Khali, Ric Flair, Torrie Wilson, Chris Masters, & Kenny Dykstra will all be moving from RAW to Smackdown. Ric Flair is 176 years old now and will probably never be given another push for the World Title. The Great Khali is a huge sum'bitch, but has next to zero wrestling skill. Masters and Dykstra are up and coming and could benefit a lot from the move to Smackdown. Torrie Wison was the first diva to be drafted. She doesn't wrestle much, but I guess ince Flair left they wanted to keep that storyline pair together.

ECW has quickly become the dumping ground for the WWE wrestlers who no one gives a rats ass about. They had Lashley, but lost him to RAW. Bobby Lashley's wrestling abilities are greatly improving and he ought to challenge Cena for the title soon enough. ECW picked up Chris Benoit and The Boogeyman from Smackdown. Benoit was once a World Champ, but he is aging and getting less and less interesting every day. Of everyone on the ECW roster, Benoit ought to have the best shot at Lashley vacated title. The Boogeyman has the most bad-ass entrance in all of the WWE right now, but he is going to be a lower-to-middle-tier worker for the remainder of his career. The switch to ECW for the Boogeyman will benefit him greatly. Kick everyone's ass there and then move back to either Smackdown or RAW.

I am taking a lazy day today and am keeping track of the supplemental draft behing held on WWE.com

I'll either update this post or will make another post with my thoughts on the rest of the draft.

/nerd

Monday, June 11, 2007

Kickball, Tennis, and Improv

I played in a tennis tournament in Greensboro and made it to the consolation finals this past weekend. My first round match lasted 2 hours and 42 minutes.

My first round opponent made a ridiculously bogus call. We were playing on clay courts thus his shot, that landed about 3 inches wide of the singles line, left a mark. I immediately called the ball out and he bitched and whined about it. The guy was probably in his mid to late 40s, thus cataracts and acute glaucoma have already set in...blocking his vision. I didn't want to argue with the bastard so I reversed my call and we resumed play. Let's just say my next few first serves came remarkably closer to him than the service box. I think I handled it rather well.

Immediately after the game was over I went to the tournament director to get a line judge to watch the rest of the match. No more bad calls were made on his part.

I'm kind of glad I ended up losing that first-round "marathon" match. I don't think I could have played another match that day.


On Sunday, I played Kickball for a couple of hours with my DSI bretheren/sisteren (see what I did?) A fun time was had by all...until the ball hit a pole and deflated. I haven't played kickball since elementary school. Man, I want to play again soon!!!


On Saturday night, I captained the Carr-Mill Mallrats during ComedySportz. Noah, Robyn, and I took on the Chapel Hillbillies, comprised of: Joe Jones, Eitan Lees, and Monica Byrne. The show went really well...there were 3 birthday parties there that night. Needless to say, the house was packed. There is this young girl that comes to a lot of CSz shows...I wish I knew her name, but I don't. She's probably between the ages of 8-10, but she always tells me that I'm one of her favorites. The little girl also likes Katie Shutrump and asked me where she was this week. She hugged me and one of her friends was with her and she also hugged me and told me she thought I was funny. This never gets old. :)

Noah did an amazing job as the guesser for 5 Things. There were some pretty fracking difficult suggestions, but that didn't stop Noah from getting 3 of the 5 Things correct.

My body is worn-the-frack out from so much physical activity this past weekend. The WWE Draft is tonight and I am going to go home after work and no absolutely nothing. Relaxation is not something I have been accustomed to lately. Yay, downtime!!!

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Viewpoints

The Faux Roamin' Gnome aka Jason Quinn ran CSz rehearsal tonight (wait... holy fuck-nuggets... it's after midnight.) Quinn ran ComedySpurtz rehearsal last night.

We did this neat-o-mosquito class exercise called Viewpoints (or something like that.) It basically made us function as a group by making us vividly aware of the people around us. There is a better description of this activitah on the CSz message boards.

There were a few exercises that required PT Scarborough to run for a long period of time. He's a smoker. He didn't pass out... we ran for a long-ass time too. I was impressed. I never realized how many people in DSI have inhalers.

I got a lot out of the exercises. Some stuff I will definitely be able to implement into my scenework.

I was worn-the-frack-out when I got home tonight. Prior to attending the most physically demanding CSz rehearsal ever, I had a 2 hour long physical therapy session.

I left a clever note on my friend BJ's car. She has a good sense of humor, thus she'll appreciate it. She parked next to me in the parking lot. I had a pen and large piece of cardboardish paper handy. Easy decision here folks! :)

One of my tennis tennis buddies, Bryan Cox, brought me all the McDonald's Happy Meal Shrek Toys. His son won't play with them, thus I get them all. The Shrek figures actually talk. That's pretty bad-ass for a Happy Meal toy. Much gratitude goes in his general direction. Thankies Bryan, you're da man!

Have I mentioned how bad it sucks to have a refridgeerator die on you and be without one? Well, It sucks... It sucks big-time.

My long, physically-exhausting day has gotten the best of me. I am fighting a losing battle with my eyelids. Nighty-Night!!!

Monday, June 04, 2007

Physical Therapy

For the past couple of weeks I have been seeing a physical therapist for my knee pain.

This is the first time I've ever been to a physical therapist and it is quite an experience.

The heat treatment is pretty bad-ass. My physical therapist hooks up these electrode thingies to each of my knees and then cranks up the machine they are hooked up to. The initial feeling is that of 1-million obese ants running over my knees. After this apparatus is hooked up and running Extremely warm heating pads are placed over my knees. The felling of portly ants parading switches to a feeling as if someone was massaging my knees.

After 10-15 minutes of this treatment I proceed to my workout. The exercises I am instructed to do use muscles that I don't think I have ever used around my upper thighs and around my knees.

After completing my exercises I have an ice treatment applied to my knees for 10-15 minutes.
The ice pads are actually quite pleasant. I really should ice my knees more after playing tennis...according to my doctor.


I really should quit blogging and get back to work... according to myself.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Warlocks, fuzzy balls, Jack Bauer, and other things that have kept me busy for the past month or so

I feel guilty for not blogging in a while. It's been over a month since my last entry.

A friend of mine approached me the other day and asked why I haven't been blogging lately.

None of the following are valid excuses, but will have to suffice...


- I have been playing a shit-ton of tennis

- I've gotten back into World of Warcraft and have started playing a female Blood Elf Warlock and she's up to level 23 now

- Work had gotten hectic for a brief period of time, but things are starting to calm down again

- I've actually gotten a chance to hang out friends that I rarely get to see any more

- I finally broke down and went to see a doctor about my on-going knee pain...I am now seeing a physical therapist

- During downtime, due to a slightly early exit from a tennis tournament, I have watched the first two season of 24 on DVD and am halfway through the 3rd season. 24 Is extremely wonderful... anything involving Elisha Cuthbert is wonderful!!!

- I have turned down a couple of dates because the girls smoked. Nasty! Nasty! Nasty!

- I went out on a date that was going fairly well until she started bad-mouthing her last date. I felt really sorry for the guy. He sounded nervous and her description of the scenario made her seem heartless. But hey, I got to eat at Olive Garden.

- In early May, I performed with Senor Bueno at the DSI Comedy Theater. Senor Bueno's gimmick is that they are masked hardcore luchadores. During one of the scenes Ted starting delivering knife-edge chops and the second one nailed my jaw. It hurt for a couple of days, but it was worth it. Ted also nailed me with a chair over the head. Oh the things I do for comedy.

- I was threatened at a FREE bar poker tournament and will never be playing in the PokerTaverns.com league ever again. I called someone out for blatant cheating, in this case it was offering outside advice during a hand. I maintained my composure during the exchange and was very proud of how I handled the situation. The individual is very hot-headed and I have witnessed him do a lot of mouthing-off to several people when he loses and even when he catches cards to win. When FREE poker induces physical threats...it's time to call it quits.

- I've recently been given a new computer at work...complete with a 24-inch flat-panel monitor...it's frackin' huge

- I have been practically living out of my car, being on the road so much lately. I finally took initiative and cleaned that bad boy out. I even took my car to a car wash and vacuumed the sum'bitch. It almost looks new again.


Okay time for lunch with Melissa and BJ.

I'll blog again soon. I promise.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Boat Trip

I took the time last night to take in the last of my new NETFLIX arrivals, Boat Trip.

Boat Trip stars Cuba Gooding Jr. & Louis CK ... oops, I mean Horatio Sanz. Boat Trip is the story of two friends who are looking to score some hot poon on a luxury cruise. Their travel agent screws them over by sending them on a gay cruise. For each of them to hook-up with thier [female] love interests, they must act convincingly gay.

Boat Trip also stars Vivica A. Fox, Will Ferrell, Roselyn Sanchez, and Roger Moore.

Roselyn Sanchez has moved into my top 10 list of AILF's... Actresses I'd Like to Find out more about. After doing some research, I discovered that Roselyn also portrayed the hot Latina chick in Rush Hour 2 and will be reprising her role in Rush Hour 3. She was frikkin' hot in Boat Trip and I will be keeping a close eye on her! <------ Does that sound creepy?

I wasn't expecting much from Boat Trip... maybe a few dick jokes and some stereotypical homo-humor. I was wrong!!! I thought the movie was great!!! There were bits and pieces of the movie that made it seem like it was a 'B' movie, but I LOL'd several times.

3.56743524 out of 4!!!

Friday, April 20, 2007

Swingin' in the Rain?

Our men's night quad got in 8 games last night. Pete and I won 6-2!!!

Everyone else left, but Mike, Pete, Wes, and I stayed and finished our quad in the less than torrential down-pour.


Playing a lefty tomorrow in a singles ladder match, and I know Ted Hobgood may be reading this...it's not that type of ladder match. Dave Ball and I always have a good match. Have I mentioned I have a difficult time with lefties? It'll be fun. The last two times we played the matches lasted about 2.5 hours each. That's in-frackin-sane!


Started watching Charlotte's Web last night after I got home from men's night in Burlington. It's fantabulous so far! <----- Notice the use of only one exclamation point here.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

My Taj is Rising!!!

Unlike Jennings, I still love my NETFLIX!!!

The 3 movies I most recently received are Charlotte's Web (the new one), Boat Trip, and National Lampoon's Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj.


After LOST, I popped in Rise of Taj last night, expecting pure and total crap. The story was ever so predictable, but it was, for lack of a better word, cute! There wasn't a heckuva lotta T n' A, but the characters were refreshing. Taj's mom and dad were great, even though they were only in a few scenes. The chick with the Cockney accent was pretty cute. Plus, we got to see the ol' fun bags. The chick that Taj falls for has an ideal mix of sluttiness and intelligence.

My only real complaint is that the "bad guys" in the "evil" frat didn't wreak enough havoc or have enough havoc wreaked upon them.




Compared to the first film, I think Rise of Taj wasn't inventive enough. I mean come on...they jerked-off a dog into pastries and fed them to the bad guys in the first one.

I didn't miss Teck Holmes' character, but I really wanted to see a cameo from Ryan Reynolds.

The movie wasn't total crap, but I don't think we'll be seing a tird installment any time soon.

Kal Penn's "15 minutes" are almost up.


I'd give this flick a 1.999999999999999999 out of 4, which is why I'm not a professional movie critic. People like round numbers!!!


After tennis tonight I think I'll watch the other two movies and then take a brief coma.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Cancelled?!?!?

I had a choice to play in a tennis tournament in Charlotte or a tournament in Fayetteville. I picked Fayetteville because it is ever-so-slightly closer and I wouldn't have have to play on Friday. There were tons of people signed up for my division, but not much for other divisions.

I get a message yesterday that the tournament is being cancelled due to lack of participation. What sucks is that now since the deadline has passed for both tournies...I am now unable to sign up for the tournament in Charlotte.

I really wanted to play this weekend. Oh well.

Now I have to figure out what to do with 48 hours of completely free time. I'd love to go watch shows at DSI this weekend, but I'm trying to cut down on gas usage since prices are now approaching $3.00/gallon.

My raise at work was supposed to kick in this past paycheck, but someone in the business office or HR screwed up the paperwork and they now owe me retro. You bust your ass for a company for nearly 5 years and they still screw you around. That's gratitude. Bastages!!!

Monday, April 16, 2007

USTA Tennis brings funny fortunes.

Hello Blog, Long time no see!!!

USTA Tennis is becoming a huge part of my life again. I am doing really well playing in the Men's 3.5 Division. With results posted from this past weekend's clay court event, I should take over as the #1 ranked Men's 3.5 player in the state!

My doubles partner and I are currently the #2 team in the state in Men's 3.5 doubles.


I am headed down to Fayetteville this weekend for the Highland Country Club Adult Championships. I stand a very good chance to win this event.

I have been a finalist before, but have never won a tennis tournament. Hopefully that will change this weekend.


This past weekend in Greensboro was the first time I have played on clay courts in over 10 years. I love playing on clay. When a ball bounces on clay, it leaves a mark, thus reducing line call arguments to a bare minimum.

Due to playing singles and doubles his past weekend I had to play 4 matches on Saturday... Geez!!!

I got a really bad blister on my right foot and have been limping around for the past couple of days. I am hoping the blasted thing will fully heal by this weekend's tourney.


I wanted to play poker at Goldie's yesterday, but my foot hurt so frappin' bad that I din't feel like driving and then walking to and from my car. I really need to stay off of it as much as possible.



I got the funniest fortune cookie fortune EVER yesterday:

"Your first and last love will always be self love." ......... IN BED!!!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Fuck You Tennis For Regulating Sleep

Tennis, you sir are indeed a bastard.

Oh, how I miss not being able to fall asleep until 3 or 4 in the morning.

I despise you for making me get a full 8 hours of sleep.

Screw you tennis! You are an obstruction to my current weight-gain techniques.

The only thing you're truly good for is the agony that you constantly inject into my knee.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

One Scene...Two Groaners

ComedySportz, March 17th (St. Patrick's Day,) 2007...

During Styles Replay, which is one of my favorite games to play, I committed/received not one...but two groaner fouls. I felt my scenework with Zannie was kinda lame, but I did manage to make the most of a "dance party" scene. Zannie and I were dancing to U2 in the initial scene and the music was "changed" to something peppier. Mary O'Flaherty walked-on as the obnoxious party guest and grossed us out.

Groaner #1... During the Prehistoric replay, we were cavemen and I made a Rolling Stones reference to the music.

Groaner #2... During another replay (perhaps baryard), Mary's walk-on was as a chicken. As she was dancing I said something along the lines of "Wow! What a funky-chicken."


This was the first time I ever received 2 groaners in the same night as well as the same game. Ha! :)



I am starting to enjoy ComedySportz more and more, mainly because I think I am growing as an improvisor. I still make dumb mistakes, but nowadays I am able to identify my mistakes more easily. I am becoming a better listener and yes-anding is becoming easier as well. I still have a long way to go, but I am making a shit-ton of progress.

I think I might take another level 3 class sometime soon. Jeremy Griffin is teaching an upcoming class... Hmmm... Awfully tempting!!!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Enlightened

I realized late last night that I ask too many questions about certain matters. This is a note to myself to stop doing so. The answers aren't always what I want to hear, but chock-full of good information nonetheless.

In another important life-situation, I stood up for myself and ended up making things much better.

I bought a Nintendo Wii. I have downloaded a bunch of older 80s-90s video games. I DL'd Sonic the Hedgehog, Super Mario Bros., and Ice Hockey. Each week Nintendo releases more games for download... I'll be snagging Donkey Kong Country ASAP!!! The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess is pretty frappin' wonderful!!! I like using three (3) exclamation points at the end of sentences sometimes!!!

Vegas Trip.... Final Two Days

The final Two days I'm in Las Vegas I switch two strictly playing Poker Tournaments.

I end up cashing in 3 of the 9 tournaments I play in for the trip and wind up with a slight profit for just the tournaments.

The Treasure Island Poker room dealers are pretty cool people. I'd love to move out there and become "one of them." I have more in common with those guys than I do with most of the people I know here in NC.

Going into the last couple of hours before I have to leave for the airport... I was down almost 400 bucks. I decide to lay down 2 hundo at a BlackJack table and let that be the last of my gambling. The dealer had an amazing personality and was talking with me about random things the whole time. An Asian dude who looked uncannily like Jin from LOST came and sat down next to me and started playing as well. Soon after the Asian guy a young couple sat down.

I was betting mostly 25 bucks a hand, but would occasionaly double down or bet 50 to start with and double down for a 100 total bet. Our table was kicking the dealer's arse. I ended up transforming that 200 into 1000 and decided it was time to quit. The dealer colored up my smaller $25 green chips into 2 $500 purple I had a short stack of 5 dollar chips and 1 dollar chips from where I had hit blackjack on several occasions... I had also been tipping the dealer throughout the session and sometimes making a wager for him, but I thought he was awesome and tipped him all my excess (around 25 bucks.)

I cashed in my chips at the cashier cage, got my bag, and got in an airport-bound Taxi.

The flight back was extremely turbulent for the first 30 minutes, but ended up being fine.

I had an amazing time and can't wait to go back.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Day 2 in Vegas

Las Vegas, Day 2 - Wednesday

Wednesday morning I wake up and go downstairs to check my bank account... -69.23???????

I called my bank and found out that Treasure Island had placed charges on my card for incedentals or something like that. Eric Barbaro had informed me that nothing would be charged to my card until the end of the trip. I called him up and he got me hooked up with the right people to get that charge taken off. By the end of the trip, my room ended up being free of charge due to the amount I was wagering at the blackjack tables. I wouldn't have minded those incedental charges had they wited til the end of the trip becuase I got paid on Friday. I had money in hand, but was worried about my bank situation and didn't want to play anything until I got that taken care of. Treasure Island faxed my bank with a release form and the situation was completely taken care of. Whew!!!

Time for another poker tournament...

Josh and I enter another poker tournament at Treasure Island at 11 AM. Josh gets busted out fairly early and watches me play for the next couple of hours. The tournament was only paying 3 money spots and I got kinda short-stacked with 4 players still at the table. I pushed all-in with AJs and am called down by one of the big stacks. He slams his cards down on the table...97o!
It wasn't a horrible play on his part...sure he was behind, but he wanted me out. I'm out in 4th place and have nothing to show for playing... other than learning that Treasure Island is trict about speaking English only during play. A German gentleman and his girlfriend were at the table and speaking German back and forth to each other constantly. The dealer lectured them about the "English Only" policy.

Time to try out tournies at another casino...

Josh and I walk about a mile up the strip to the Aladdin. I played my butt off in this tournament. People were scared to play back at me and rightfully so. This allowed me to pull off a couple of bluffs pre-flop and a few later during hands as well. I kicked butt at the final table as well and had a massive chip stack when there were 8 of us left. I had pocket Kings and raised a decent amount pre-flop...I get re-raised by a guy with less chips than me he has A7s (hearts.) Two hearts on the flop and then a 4th heart on the river gave the guy a flush. I still had a lot of chips and played extremely tight until I was guaranteed cash. I built my stack back up quite a bit and was dealt pocket Kings again. I push all in and am called by the same guy that called me last time....this time he has A7o. The bastard hits a 7 on the flop and another 7 on the turn. He just barely had more chips than me...so I was out in 4th place. This was a much larger tournament than I had just played at Treasure Island, so 4th place took home a nice chunk of change... a little over 300 bucks. Josh busted out early on in this tournament as well, so he had to watch me for another 3 hours or so from the rail.

We head back to Treasure Island to play in the 7PM tournament. This tourney was paying the top 4 spots and Josh and I both make it to the final table. We were down to the final 5 players and I had a massive chip lead. Josh was seated to my left and was the short stack. Action is folded around to us in the blinds. I look down to pocket 3's and push all-in. Josh says, "Me too. I'm all-in". He flips over A7, I believe (can't remember exactly.) Anyway, it doesn't matter because my 3's held up. I knocked Josh out and went on to knock another player out as well. The other two remaining players kept catching cards against me and eventually an Asian guy, who happened to be an off-duty poker dealer at Treasure Island, called my all-in with KJ while I held A9. He catches a King on the turn and I need an Ace on the river to stay in. No Ace falls and I'm out in 3rd. Another nice pay day!

I ran into some sour luck at the blackjack table. The starting dealer was a middle-aged woman... wearing too much lipstick. You could tell that she hated her job. I should have gotten up, but proceeded to lose everything I made from the poker tournaments that day and then some. I was pissed at myself for not getting up. By the end of the night I was actually down a couple hundred bucks for the trip, but tables would soon turn in my favor...


...TO BE CONTINUED...

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Vegas Trip Report

Las Vegas, Day One - Tuesday

Upon arrival at the Las Vegas airort, I headed straight for the tram booths. Taking a tram is always cheaper thasn taking a taxi, but the trams are usually slam packed because they go to all of the casinos. I paid my 5.50 and waited for the #5 tram to show up. I loaded my bag and waited about 15 minutes for the tram to take off. No one else that purchased a ticket was sent to number 5 for that go-round so it was just me and the driver. Straight to Treasure Island I went!

I meet up with my buddy Josh and he takes me to our room, an executive suite on the 32nd floor. I dropped my bags off in the room and he informs me that he has another meeting and that' he'll meet up with me in a bit. I had my MGM Player's club card made and was ready to hit the casino floor!

I decided to hop on a Wheel of Fortune $1 slot machine...I hit the bonus spin game 3 or 4 times within my first 50 pulls, but nothing higher than 50 bucks. All the while, there was an Asian gentleman playing an adjacent machine. He and I were rooting each other on every time one of us would hit the bonus game. Neither of us made anything huge and I decided to move to a different Wheel of Fortune $1 slot.

The new WoF machine was located directly across from the previously played machine in the "kiosk" and I was now seated caddy-cornered to the Asian dude and right next to an elderly Asian woman. I sit down and within 25 spins the woman hit the bonus game and won $500 bucks. I high-fived her and she said, "Your turn to hit big." She was right! No more than 20 pulls later, I hit the bonus spin game. The needle spun around and started slowing down around the $1,000 sector. 99.999999999999% of the time the needle goes just past the 1,000 and into the $20, but not his time the needle stopped in the $1,000!!!

Up over $1,000 for the trip so far, I decide to cash out and call Josh. It was around time for his meeting to let out. I darted over to the elevators to show him the voucher I had for just over $1,200. I cashed-in the voucher and went up to the room so Josh could get his wallet.

Josh isn't much of a gambler, but I taught him to play poker and he is becoming a decent player. He asked me to win him a hundred bucks. I told him to give me 40 bucks and I'll hit the blackjack tables. I turned the $40 into $140 within 15 minutes. I tipped the dealer and then headed off for the poker rom to play in a tournament.

Josh and I busted out of the poker tournament after a couple of hours and I heded out to the blackjack tables again. I gave the dealer my players club card and began betting $25 a hand, which is the minimum to become rated. I began making a bit of cash and decided to jack my bet amount up to $50 a hand for a while. After about 15 minutes of betting $50 a hand I was still hovering around my original profit amount. I looked up and this dude with slicked-back hair and a nice suit on had been closely watching my play. As I was getting up from the table he intoduced himself to me...Eric Barbaro, Casino Marketing. He asked ifm I had a host and informed me that at the rate I was betting, I would be able to get lots of free stuff. He asked where we were staying and I told him that we were at Treasure Island, but moving to another Casino after that night's stay. He told me that if I decided I wanted to stay at Treasure Island for the rest of my trip to give him a call and he could get me a huge discount.

Josh and I discussed it and decided we'd rather just stay at Treasure Island than move our stuff to another casino-hotel. I called Eric up and he set us up to stay in the hotel in one of the $300/ night rooms at the casino rate of $70 a night. He also told me to check with him at the end of the trip as I would probably get the room for free.

I went to the room for a little while and then decided to return to the blackjack table. The dealer got on a huge winning streak and I lost about half of what I had previously won. I called it a night... still being up almost $1,000 for the trip.


Las Vegas, Day 2 - Wednesday

...Details Coming Soon

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Lataz NC

I promise... no hummers from trannies.

Once again, The Bellagio and I will be together as one!!!


On my way to the airport. Take care everyone :)



T

Monday, January 22, 2007

Greensboro Indoor Tennis Championships at Barber Park

For the first time in almost 15 years, I am playing United States Tennis Association tournaments. There are some major differences between now and then though.

Major Difference #1 - 15 years ago I was playing in the junior divisions. Kids are jerks...and cocky little bastards. 45% of the good players thought their shit didn't stink. Snootiness and bad attitudes everywhere in the juniors! Very little of that crap exists in the adult ranks.

Major Differnece #2 - The adult division I play in now, NTRP 3.5 singles & doubles, contains very few phenominal players. Most players are around the same skill level. If someone is clearly better than everyone else in the division, the rankings computer will automatically bump them up to a higher division and I won't have to worry about them. Makes for better competition and faster improvement in my own game.


This past weekend I learned how truly out of shape I am. My first round match was one of the first matches of the tournament. I played a native Russian, who now lives in Johnson City, Tennessee, Vitaly Nazarov. I really should have beaten this guy. He beat me 12-10 in a tiebreaker.

My 1st round consolation match pitted me against one of the seeded players, Dave McGee, of Mebane, NC. Dave is a good buddy of mine and we have played singles and doubles against each other on numerous occasions. We're fairly evenly matched, but I was able to beat him in a 3rd set tiebreaker, 10-1.

Next came my first round doubles match (partner - Brian Reder.) Brian hadn't played in 8 weeks and it showed in our match. I wasn't playing spectacular myself, but Brian was struggling with his serve and the rust was extremely evident.

Soon I was in the semi-finals of the consolation round. I had to play at 8:00 AM on Sunday morning. I had played 2 long matches the day before and was worn out. I also knew I had to play doubles after about a 30 minute rest when my singles was over. My singles match could have gone either way, but I ended up losing.

Time for my doubles match rolls around and Brian is nowhere to be found. Turns out he got pulled for speeding on the way to Barber Park, but he managed to make it before the director defaulted us. Due to there only being 6 teams in our doubles division, were playing for the 3.5 Consolation Championship. We were better players than our opponents and outplayed them as well. We won handily, 6-3, 6-0. Brian's serve had apparently healed itself over the course of the night. My net-play was just ON. It was brutal.

I came home and napped for the rest of Sunday. I woke up around time to watch the Colts-Patriots game, then fell back asleep. I slept like a baby this weekend every night. I am still worn out from playing so much frikkin' tennis.

Oh yeah, I leave for Vegas next Tuesday....WOOT!!!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

It finally happened The frikkin' government dropped the bomb on me

My recent dealings with NETELLER.

This could be the end for online poker for the United States.


Kriya:
Welcome to our live chat service. How may we help you?
Thomas: Hi
Kriya: Hello, how may i assist you?
Thomas: Can you please explain to me why NETELLER is no longer providing transactions for PokerStars?
Kriya: Due to recent legislation and related events, US members will no longer be able to transfer funds to or from any online gambling site effective January 17th, 2007. All other NETELLER services remain available to US members. They can continue to hold funds safely in their NETELLER accounts until such time as they decide to move the funds. The changes in gambling merchant transfers do not affect the ability of US member to maintain funds in their NETELER e-wallet accounts. NETELLER protects all members’ funds (all deposited, in-transit and un-cleared funds) by holding the value in independent trust accounts. NETELLER is authorised and regulated by the Financial Services Authority in the UK.
Kriya: NETELLER continues to allow US members to transfer funds to non-gambling merchants. Additionally, NETELLER offers a peer-to-peer transfer service that allows members to instantly send money to friends and family around the world. US member NETELLER accounts will NOT be closed, your funds will continue to be held securely and you will always have full access to funds held by NETELLER. Currently we are experiencing unprecedented volumes through our withdrawals department. Due to this volume there maybe delays of up to 2 weeks for an EFT withdrawal and 6-8 weeks for cheque withdrawal. If you have any further questions, please visit http://updates.neteller.com.
Thomas: I have had an account with NETELLER for quite some time for the sole purpose of depositing to the sites where I play online poker
Kriya: Please read the above scripting...
Thomas: I read the ABOVE SCRIPTING
Kriya: Due to recent legislation and related events, US members will no longer be able to transfer funds to or from any online gambling site effective January 17th 2007
Kriya: I meant no disrespect...
Thomas: I understand that
Thomas: Thank You for your time
Kriya: You're welcome. Thank you for choosing NETELLER!
Kriya: Thank you for using NETELLER Live Chat. We appreciate your business and look forward to assisting you again. Bye for now.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

If you suck at poker and have money...please invite me over!

After ComedySportz on Saturday night I went to a buddy's place in Raleigh to play a cash game. The limit was a little more than I wanted to play, but everyone kinda sucked... so I knew I would make a small killing.

When playing against a group of suckers I strongly suggest the "premium hand only" method. (These people are friends of mine so I'll try to not berate them too much...)

The night starts off with ordering pizza and online poker bad beat stories, which are far better than ghost stories and almost as exaggerated. We begin our "friendly" limit game with 8 players and I see them raising and reraising with K4, J5 (Motown), Q10, etc. I decide to apply the premium hands only strategy. It took 15 minutes or so and, but I finally caught pocket queens.
I limp UTG (Under the Gun - first player to act), hoping to get raised so I can re-raise. Sure enough... 2 more limpers and a pot-sized raise by the SB (Small Blind) I re-raise the pot and get 2 callers. Turns out one of the guys had a somewhat legitimate hand (AQ). The flop... J-J-4... rainbow (no flush draw possibilities.) I bet the pot and get raised some crazy amount but I only had enough in front of me to call about half of it. turn was a 5 and the river was a K. My Queens held up and I took down a pot large enough to pay for my plane ticket and then some.

At this point I was getting sleepy but the win gave me a little more energy :)

I decided I'd stay for another orbit and then head out. I did catch AK, but didn't want to play it against a raise and a reraise holding random cards.

I just got back to work from depositing the funds in my bank account. I had already purchased my ticket about 2 or 3 weeks ago. Got an amazing deal flying out of RDU the 30th of this month, but I have a 3 hour layover in Charlotte. Flying alone is no fun... Bleh... but for $187 and some odd cents round-trip, it's well worth it!

My flight leaves Raleigh at 7:30 AM.... Bleh!


I am looking forward to the trip though. Poker tournies...Poker tournies... and more Poker tournies! Hopefully my BlackJack can pay for my tournaments like it did last Vegas trip.

I'll keep everyone posted.


Becky Whittemore helped me out earlier this month by switching ComedySportz show nights with me, and I promised to bring her something back from the trip. I hope she likes hookers.